Oh, the joys of the freelance writing hustle!  The constant, unending, relentless search for new clients and projects!  Unleashing a daily tsunami of pitches and wry cover letters to hawk one’s verbal wares!  And the online help wanted adverts!

 

Especially the online help wanted adverts.

 
I came across additional proof of the shockingly steep decline of literacy in the modern online age this ad today in which a certain employer was seeking a “writer.”  Amongst the listed “job requirements,” these featured prominently:

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So I responded with the above profile photo.

 

I would not be half as indignant if they had worded their requirements differently.  If they’d requested, say, “a love of verbal economy” or “an ability to produce simple, clean prose.”  But noooo.

 

What happens to those who wish to subject me to the one, two, three punch of (1) being asked to appeal to an audience whose lips probably move as they read stop signs AND (2) the shunning of fancy book learnin’ AND (3)  a request that I restrict my admiration of words (not my usage, mind you, but my admiration) to the one and two syllable sort?

 

THEY GET A MONKEY MEME IN THEIR FACE.  That’s what.

 

NAY, I shall not sit idly by and agree to be marginalized by trending stupidity!  I shall go down raging, kicking, and screaming (and also seething, and fuming, and punting, and wailing, and bellowing, because I have a thesaurus).

 

And hopefully, I shall take a few simpletons down WITH me in the process.