Ryan Gosling.   (All those ‘Hey, girl…” memes floating around the internet are awesome.)

Matt Smith.  (I love Matt Smith because he was Doctor Who.)

Matt Smith in a movie directed by Ryan Gosling. (Wait…what?!  This happened?!  And I wasn’t invited?!)

Matt Smith in a fantasy noir movie directed by Ryan Gosling.  (I love fantasy.  I love noir.  I didn’t realize that ‘fantasy noir’ was a thing, but obviously, I am contractually obligated to love it twice as much.)

Matt Smith in a fantasy noir movie written and directed by Ryan Gosling.  (He writes.  He writes fantasy fucking noir.  Not action-y, car chase-y stuff.  That’s right, bitches.  Fantasy fucking noir.  The”Hey, I think I understand this whole female-obsession-with-Ryan-Gosling pandemic now!” switch in my head just got flipped to the “on” position…..)

Matt Smith in a fantasy noir movie entitled ‘How To Catch A Monster,’ written and directed by Ryan Gosling.  (OMG!!  DID SOMEONE SAY “MONSTER”?!?!?!?!?!  WE LOVE MONSTERS!!!  WE ESPECIALLY LOVE MONSTERS DIRECTED BY RYAN GOSLING!)

Thank you, movie gods.  Thank you.

Wait just a damn minute….hold on….you’re making me wait until June 2014?!  (Would the sacrifice of, say, a Kardashian newborn under a full moon possibly speed up the process?)

Fuck you, movie gods.  Thank you.  And fuck you.