Let’s start off this episode with an uber-gothic storm for ambiance! CUE THE LIGHTNING AND THUNDER! Ah, it’s but a metaphor for the turmoil our hardy heap of heroes and heroines are enduring in Beacon Hills. The dark night of their souls is upon them! But don’t worry – there’s enough juice left in those power generators to cast a flattering backlight effect upon those shirtless wonder twins. Repeatedly. But that’s a bit later….
The storm is creating all kinds of chaos at the hospital. What with the power on the fritz, and rogue tree branches crashing through windows, they have no choice but to evacuate. At least Scott’s mom is keeping it together whilst everyone else panics. (When you have a werewolf for a son, the smaller details are a cakewalk, really.) Of course, it’s only fair that she’s temporarily rattled when she discovers Peter Hale all alive and shit, and furthermore bitching at Cora’s bedside about his niece being ignored. It’s awkward enough running into an old flame. Especially one who has died. You can’t blame her for not knowing that particularly powerful yet dead shapeshifters can summon banshees telepathically for a cellular jump-start which not only reanimates them, but makes them exponentially sexier. They don’t teach that in nursing school.
Now that we have a mostly abandoned hospital, and the requisite dark and stormy night underway, it looks like the stage has been set for a whopper of a werewolf smackdown.
Cora’s accelerated werewolf healing powers aren’t kicking in. Quite the opposite. Google “Is puking up black blood bad?” and you’ll discover just how dire the situation is.
Jennifer “Gives New Meaning To The Term “Two Faced”” Blake runs straight into Derek’s arms with a damsel in distress alibi. But…she can’t help but notice that Derek’s kiss has lost that loving feeling. Oh, hi there, Scott and Stiles. Seems they’ve already clued Derek in about that massive Darach-shaped hole in her alibi….and just in case he’s harboring any doubts, they “IN YOUR FACE!” her with a batch of mistletoe, which reveals her alter ago for a moment. Doh! Awkward. Well, not that awkward. She’s got a few aces up her sleeve. If they help her not get totally killed by Deucalion and his clan, she’ll help them save both Cora and Stiles’ dad. So they all climb into a car and head for the hospital. You know….where Deucalion is sure to be waiting for them.
They run head-first into the Wonder Twins double-wide werewolf alter ego. The twins’ stance is simple: hand over the Darach, and no one gets hurt. Much. Only the gang doesn’t want to do that just yet. Not until Cora and Stiles’ dad are safe.
Smackdowns between warring werewolf factions are a most fortuitous time for slippery Darachs to make their escape. (Read that once in a fortune cookie….turns out it’s true.) Ms. Blake gives them the slip by escaping in the elevator.
Ah, but in this abandoned gothic hospital of doom on a dark and stormy night, every floor is the wrong one. She gets off on the one where Deucalion and Kali are lurking. Seems a little late to give Ms. Blake a lecture on making poor choices, though. They rumble. She escapes – again. (Apparently that ‘flying away into the ether’ trick only works in select locales. Handy in a pinch with a stabbed cop in a classroom. Spotty in the elevator of an abandoned hospital. Not unlike cell phone reception.)
Allison and Isaac can feel the bad vibes all the way across town. So can Allison’s dad. You think two Argents and one slightly-Argent-obsessed young pup can resist the siren’s call of a werewolf smackdown? Hell to the no! To the hospital!
Scott’s mom has really become accepting of all the downsides associated with being the mom of a supernatural trouble magnet. On sight, she realizes that Deucalion is bad news. “You’re him – the bad guy.” His glowing red eyes and pedicure-deprived snarling sidekick were particularly helpful red flags.
Meanwhile, Ms. Blake rejoins our pack of heroes. Remember when she said she needed to stick together and help each other? She forgot to take her own advice, but thankfully, almost getting stabbed in the face by Deucalion and then almost getting ripped to shreds by Kali during her ill-fated escape attempt jogged her memory. Oh, that’s right – sticking together works better.
Also, she’s got some conditions upon which her offer of help is based. She’ll heal Cora. But not here. It’s too face-stabby and limb-rippy in this hospital. If they help her escape to a safer hiding spot, then she’ll heal Cora and reveal Stiles’ dad’s location. And this time, she means it. Maybe. You’re just going to have to trust her. Cue the thunder as she arches an eyebrow. What? Would this face lie to you?
The gang is trapped by the wonder twins in what appears to be an operating room. Peter and Scott volunteer to take on the supersized double-wide twins werewolf. They look around for weapons. Hey, look at that giant oversized syringe of epinephrine! Scott thinks stabbing the double-wide twin werewolf with it might be neat! It might help! NO, says Derek! Epinephrine will make werewolves stronger. Making werewolves stronger is a bad idea right now. Well…making certain werewolves stronger is a bad idea.
Sexy uncle Peter has a good idea. He emerges from the ER with a syringe hanging out of his pectoral, in case you need to have it spelled out for you. Let’s get ready to rumble!
(Rahhhhrr! Uncle Peter is so sexy when he’s riled up.)
Stiles, Derek and Ms. Blake sneak away with Cora. Look! An ambulance! It’s that van thing that transports injured people. Cora is injured. This could come in handy!
If only Kali wasn’t the one with the keys.
But Derek can handle her. By running away and letting Kali chase him. The supernaturals (the conscious ones, anyway) go off to do smackdown-y things to each other while Stiles keeps a semi-comatose Cora company in the key-less ambulance. She stops breathing, but he saves her with CPR. He keeps talking to Cora as she lays not-so-conscious before him, because everyone knows that people in comas or various states of unconsciousness can sometimes hear you anyway. Well, maybe Stiles’ doesn’t know that….or else he’d curb this “I kind of have a crush on you despite your ball-busting ways, so I hope you live” talk.
Don’t worry – the Argents have arrived! And pretty soon, Allison’s dad will be doing THIS:
……with a gun in EACH hand! Because that’s his thing. Remember:
Not that Scott’s mom needs their help. She can do the double handed weapon wielding thing, too. The double-wide twin werewolf has Scott cornered! She interrupts the pas de deux between Scott and the double-wide twin werewolf with a pair of defibrillators. Nobody puts her baby (werewolf) in a corner!
Cut to Ms. Blake and Derek, trapped in an elevator that has stopped because Deucalion made Scott’s mom shut down the power for the whole hospital earlier. Ms. Blake tries to tug at Derek’s heartstrings (and/or…elsewhere) by sharing her idea of a sob story: that beauty is only skin deep, and….boys only like pretty girls, and…..also, something about how sacrificing the innocent is sometimes a justifiable means to an end. Sure, she’s a killing machine, but that’s why she figures Derek completes her. He’s a killing machine, too! They can still be in love, and get married, and have killing machine babies (she seems to be implying).
But she’s forgotten the cardinal rule about wooing a man: don’t try to poison his werewolf sister with mistletoe during your homicidal druid rampage.
Deucalion and Kali have some time to kill now that the Darach has temporarily escaped them. Cue the Kali flashback! Julia/Jennifer was her emissary. Deucalian ordered Kali to kill her. Only Kali couldn’t bring herself to totally kill Julia/Jennifer. Thanks to her emotional attachment to Julia, she could only bring herself to mostly, like 90%, kill her. She throws in some maiming beyond recognition stuff while she’s at it, so Deucalion will at least believe that she tried. But she looks back over her shoulder, super remorsefully, at the havoc she has wreaked. Sad face Kali looking back over her shoulder super remorsefully looks a little something like this:
After the flashback attack, we see Julia/Jennifer drag herself to that ancient Druid tree stump. The one with the roots that go into the sacrificial basement she has? Where baby Derek accidentally sacrificed his first love. Virgin sacrifice? Check. Infused the tree with just enough mojo to revive a nearly dead Druid! Whew. That’s lucky.
Oh, let’s not forget how Stiles spots a release form in the ambulance upon which a signature line for “Parent or Guardian” is found. Parents are guardians. Guardians are on the Darach’s “people to sacrifice” checklist. This isn’t good. Stiles’ dad is not the only one in danger of meeting up with the business end of a rampaging Darach! He’s got to warn Scott! And Scott’s mom!
Back to present day Jennifer/Julia. Being an English teacher, she can’t resist the urge to spring a pop quiz on Derek. The topic? The origins of mistletoe, by way of Norse mythology, starring Loki from The Avengers. It’s a fable that explains why mistletoe is death to supernaturals whilst retaining its heart-warming status as a festive kissy-face-inciting cornerstone of holiday decor.
By the way, judging from the expression on Derek’s face, he is most definitely NOT hot for teacher any longer.
She was right. Boys are so shallow. Sacrifice a few townspeople, and boyfriends gets all judge-y.
Meanwhile….the Argents, and Isaac, and Scott’s mom have a plan. Finally! Just to clarify who they are chasing, Isaac describes Ms. Blake as having dark hair, and being a bit of a hottie. Allison catches a glimpse of herself in a reflective surface. She’s got an idea!
Allison goes running. The rogue Alphas spot her and assume she’s Ms. Blake! Allison’s a hottie with dark hair, too, see. SUCH a genius plan. Kali and the twins fall for it. The old “I’m not really a hottie English teacher by day, murderous Druid by night….I’m actually a teenage killing machine with a crossbow, and…oh, have you met my dad, who can do the double-handed guns a-blazing thing in your face? Hey, here he is now…” trap. Ha ha – they always fall for that one.
Speaking of suckers…..Derek’s unconscious body lies upon the floor of the abandoned elevator, whilst an open hatch overhead suggests Ms. Blake got sick of schooling Derek in Norse mythology and delivering her “Don’t you think I’m pretty anymore?” sob story, as Scott and Stiles have just discovered. Was simply a stalling tactic while Derek’s posse cleared the way for Ms. Blake’s clean getaway.
And speaking a bit more on the topic of suckers…..Scott is approached by Deucalion, who totally promises to help save Scott’s mom and Stiles’ dad IF Scott will join Deucalion’s pack. And, unlike that two-faced lying Darach on the loose, Deucalion totally means it. Maybe. Scott follows Deucalion into the shadowy ethers, tail between his legs. He’s got no choice, if he wants to save his mom and Stiles’ dad…..
His dad has been kidnapped by a rogue druid, and his BFF is being mind-raped by a demon wolf. Stiles is having a really bad night.
Cut to Stiles’ dad and Scott’s mom, bound and being held captive amidst the tangled roots of the sacrificial basement beneath the special druid tree stump. Their night isn’t looking so awesome, either. What with that escaped (again) Darach on the loose, it’s only a matter of time before they too are reduced to mere blacklight-visible chalk marks on Allison’s dad’s mysterious map…..
Or is it?