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March 9, 2015

Paranormal Parenting: How To Distinguish Between Teenagers and Vampires At A Glance

January 9, 2015

Paranormal Parenting: Welcome To Life As A Walking Food Source

Oh, I thought of another thing that both toddlers and zombies have in common.  It doesn’t take either one of them very long to reach a very important conclusion:   You = food. And food = life.   Spoiler alert: there is rarely a happy ending in store for any person who can be categorized as a “food source,” either in film or in reality.
January 8, 2015

Posthumous Birthday Shout Out To Ex-Graham Chapman

Happy birthday, ex-Graham Chapman!  Your comedic genius is sorely missed.   Let’s celebrate with a clip that singularly rivals the cumulative impact of the Rosebud scene of Citizen Kane, the Psycho shower scene, Julie Andrews frolicking in the sentient hills of Salzburg (not to be confused with The Hills Have Eyes…..but come to think of it, together those two flicks would make for a pretty awesome cinematic mashup), Kevin Spacey losing his limp in The Usual Suspects, Rick and Ilsa saying goodbye at the airport, Gene Kelly singing in the rain, and that homicidal midget reveal from Don’t Look Now.  
January 5, 2015

Quiz: Is Your Child Unusually Creepy?

IS YOUR CHILD UNUSUALLY CREEPY? 1. When I ask my child to clean his or her room, he or she responds by:
(a) Begrudgingly chucking toys back where they belong (after a great deal of nagging).
(b) Threatening to run away and live with circus freaks.
January 4, 2015

Paranormal Parenting: How Scary Movies Teach You EVERYTHING You Need To Know About Raising Kids!

I’m baaaaack.   And I’m launching a new category on Ye Olde Blogge here.  Over the past eight years (not coincidentally, the age of my daughter), I’ve come to appreciate just how much my love of the macabre – and of scary movies and television shows in particular – has prepared me for the myriad challenges of parenthood.  
June 10, 2014

In Memoriam: Rik Mayall (March 7, 1958 – June 9, 2014)

I choose to remember one of my favorite funnymen with this clip from ‘Blackadder.’ Lord Flashheart always did know how to make an entrance.  In tribute, let’s all do a better job of making grand entrances from this point forward!  (Sorry, but in direct contrast with this entrance, admit it… HAVE been cocking it up a bit.)  
June 3, 2014

How Introversion Invariably Leads To The Great Monkey Coup of 2014

I’ve been seeing posters around town promoting Dawn of the Planet of the Apes.  Which reminds me that I need to take a vacation. Let me explain. I have an active imagination.  Most of the time, I like having an active imagination. 
March 19, 2014

300: Rise Of An Empire (a.k.a. Fifty Shades of BAD ASS)

She’s just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to DIE, DIE, DIE! Is this an awesome movie?  HELL YES.  Do I want to talk about much else beyond Eva Green’s role in it? Nah. Guess who is not filling her days worrying about whether her pores are small enough, her tits are big enough, and if she’s underage enough to appear in a Robin Thicke music video?
January 27, 2014

So I Took The “Which Star Wars Character Are You?” Quiz, And Then This Happened.

To be frank, I was angling for a “Han Solo” response.  But apparently there’s a fine line between brooding sarcasm and unmitigated evil. Now I’m off to go telekinetically choke people I dislike!  Yay, dark side!  
November 17, 2013

Gee, Your Hair Smells Thorific!