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Your Request Is Illogical

December 30, 2015

Your Request Is Illogical: Save A Choirboy – Ride A Hoverboard Instead.

This.  This thing about the priest who was suspended for riding a hoverboard during Christmas mass because “the Eucharist demands utmost respect and reverence”? A massive missed P.R. opportunity for the Catholic church, if you ask me.  The “Save a choirboy – ride a hoverboard instead!” campaign could have been HUGE………    
November 25, 2015

Your Request Is Illogical (AND Riddled With Errors)

After receiving yet another poorly worded email scam in my Inbox, I have realized that I’ve possibly missed my true calling:  WORD COP!   The sheer ineptitude of many would-be cyber-criminals amuses me to no end.  A helpful hint for anyone masquerading as a major online retailer in a potential email scam: take ten seconds to have  someone proofread your scammy email, you illiterate jackass.  
November 3, 2015

Your Request Is Illogical: This One Is Dedicated To All The Asshats Who Expect Creative People To Work For Free

First, enjoy this cartoon gem from The Oatmeal:     And now – let’s discuss amongst ourselves.   If your business or project requires the output of a creative person (be they writer, editor, graphic designer, musician, filmmaker, or even underwater basket weaver), and it’s not a job you have the time or skills to perform yourself, then – for the love of cupcakes (you KNOW how I feel about cupcakes) – stop devaluing that work when it is performed by others.
September 1, 2015

Your Request Is Illogical: Adventures in Craigslisting

An open letter to the guy who wrote the above Craigslist ad subject line:   I simply have to know:  what exactly compelled you to place the word “upscale” directly in front of the words, “TOPLESS SPORT BAR”?!?!   (Hey, at least you saved the shouty jazz hands for the appropriate portion of the sentence.  
February 5, 2015

Your Request Is Highly Illogical, Truck

Today I was driving back home after having enjoyed lunch with one of my favorite and smartest friends in the whole wide world, and I was riding that wave of bliss that invariably follows an intellectually fortifying conversation, until…..I was sucked back into reality by the jarring display of stupidity on the back of this truck: Noticing that the driver had his window down, my first impulse was to shout out the window at him: “Excuse me, dear gentleman, but seeing as how I too am required to travel in a northerly direction, much as yourself, and I must execute a 90 degree right turn in naught more than a mile, and passing you poses a tremendous challenge in such dense and unwieldy traffic, I am unable to comply with your request!