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Monthly Archives: February 2015

10 Things You Might Find Yourself Saying If You Date Vladimir Putin

Written on February 27, 2015 at 2:44 am, by

Yes, he’s single.  But if you wish to actually snag this virile eligible bachelor and prominent world leader, here are some phrases you’ll probably want to have translated into Russian and memorized first.   1. Excuse me, but your pet tiger wrangler looks terribly drunk.  

A Walking Dead Haiku Entitled “Chill Out, Rick!

Written on February 26, 2015 at 1:56 am, by

Aaron’s only crime?
He thinks you’re fabulous.  Eat
the applesauce, bitch.

A Sleepy Hollow Haiku Entitled “Katrina Kicks The Bucket (Or, Um…Cauldron)”

Written on February 25, 2015 at 11:43 pm, by

Fare thee well, bitch-witch!
And take thy rolling white eyes
and man-child with thee!  

Your Request Is Highly Illogical, Truck

Written on February 5, 2015 at 10:29 pm, by

Today I was driving back home after having enjoyed lunch with one of my favorite and smartest friends in the whole wide world, and I was riding that wave of bliss that invariably follows an intellectually fortifying conversation, until…..I was sucked back into reality by the jarring display of stupidity on the back of this truck: Noticing that the driver had his window down, my first impulse was to shout out the window at him: “Excuse me, dear gentleman, but seeing as how I too am required to travel in a northerly direction, much as yourself, and I must execute a 90 degree right turn in naught more than a mile, and passing you poses a tremendous challenge in such dense and unwieldy traffic, I am unable to comply with your request!